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This thing with Vanessa and Andrea is killing me and definitely taking a toll on my well being. I miss them both so much. The outright avoidance and cold shoulder is so painful. I never believed you could die from a broken heart but I am starting to believe it now. I know one thing for sure....The last 6 months has aged me years. The stress and sadness are a daily constant reminder of how terrible my girls think I am, and with Andrea being pregnant it is even more painful. As a mother I want to be there every step of the way to share this joy with her. When Vanessa was pregnant and she didn't want anyone to know, I was the one that was there for her everyday, helping her through it in anyway I could, and gladly. Everyday telling her that she could change her mind and keep the baby. In the end she did and it was a prayer answered. I know that she feels that it was the best decision she ever made too. But now....i guess she has forgotten all those days and the days before that, when she was little and she was my world and I was hers. Yep, mark my words, in the end this distance she has created from me and than passed onto her sister, WILL kill me in the end. I just pray that it will end before it is too late....once I am gone it will be too late for regrets and forgiveness.

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Rainy here today
January in Florida, cold last week warmer and rain storms today. Classes in full force for a week now, enjoying my speech class. All is as normal as can be expected in the trailerhood.